Created by Webmaster on 17 Jun 2011 - 10:35. Pageviews : 4918
How To Hide The Fact That You're Mr. T From Your Coworkers
As written by Mr. T
I know you ain't a celebrity, but Mr. T is, and let me tell you, it's a pain in the butt. See, people at work are always saying to Mr. T, "Hey Mr. T, sign my picture, autograph my papers, kiss my baby, beat up these bad guys." I tell ya, it gets in the way of my working, and I pity the fool who does that when Mr. T is in a bad mood.
See, that's why I wrote this guide to help you fools know how to hide the fact that you're a celebrity at work. Mr. T can do it, and so can you. So quit your jibba jabberin' and start reading.
Step One - Make Faces
When Mr. T says "Ewwwwwww" he don't look like Mr. T.
Step Two - Wear A Disguise
They'll never guess you're Mr. T.
Step Three - When They Ask If You're Mr. T, Deny It
"Whatchew mean? You think I'm Mr. T?"
Step Four - Join The Softball Team
No one knows Mr. T can play ball.
Step Five - Take A Second Job So They Don't Track You Down At Home
I jump out of cakes and scare children on weekends.
Step Six - Change Your Hair
I use mousse and then nobody knows who I am.
Step Seven - Don't Eat Your Own Cereal
Man, they always catch me when I eat my Mr. T cereal.
Step Eight - Dress For Success
See, professional clothes makes a man look professional.
Step Nine - Don't Wear So Much Jewelry
Man, I hate this rule.
Step Ten - Don't Carpool With Other Celebrities
Mr. T's got lots of celebrity friends, but he leaves them at home when he goes to work.
Step Eleven - Keep Drinking Milk
Lots of people drink milk, so no one will suspect that you're Mr. T when you drink it a lot. However, be careful; once my coworkers discovered who I was, drugged my milk and put me on a plane. When I got back, I threw them helluva far.
Step Twelve - Wear Clothes
Everyone knows celebrities like to get naked. I have no idea what I was doing here.
Step Thirteen - Don't Drive To Work In An Armored Car
People have already learned that Mr. T makes great armored cars.
Step Fourteen - Don't Fight Crime
Mr. T hates crime, but I got to let it go when I'm at work.
Step Fifteen - Shoot Well
If your job requires shooting stuff, hit your targets. Because I was on the A-Team with those bad shooting fools, everyone thinks Mr. T can't hit the broad side of a barn.
Step Sixteen - Don't Appear On Talk Shows
When I starred in the greatest Conan O'Brien celebrity interview of all time, everyone at work recognized me.
Step Seventeen - Don't Use Your Own Air Freshener
They'll all say "You smell like Mr. T," and then I'll say "Shut up fool!"
Step Eighteen - If They Start To Catch On, Bang Their Heads Together
They might forget who Mr. T is.
Step Nineteen - If They're Still On To You, Get Out Of Town
If you really are Mr. T, you should be fast enough to catch a plane on the runway.
Step Twenty - If They Discover You, Throw Them Helluva Far
Preferably over your head.
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