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Murdock "I got no fear, i'll go up in anything, except an elevator."
From Holiday In The Hills

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Mexican Slayride

Murdock "Sorry my mother was on the phone"
Amy "Your mother? The file i got on you said she died when you were five"
Murdock "She did. But uh...i had a line put in. You know what a hassle, the telephone company, they don't co-operate. Took a while, but we're solid now"


Mexican Slayride

Murdock "I'm not nuts, i keep telling everybody, don't you think i wanna get out of here and see E.T. just like everybody else?"


Mexican Slayride

Murdock "I think that we go 4:10 to Acapulco, they're big red and white ones. They're easier to see and the pilots don't mind if you hitch hike"


Mexican Slayride

Colonel Flores "So, you are the man who's been causing senor Valdez so much trouble."
Hannibal "Didn't take much to cause any trouble. He keeps tripping over his I.Q."


Mexican Slayride

Colonel Flores "You have a very irritating manner senor."
Hannibal "Yeah, I know, I've been working on my personality. Read the Don Rickles book and everything. Nothing seems to be helping."


Mexican Slayride

Hannibal "They're closing."
B.A. "They got us.
Hannibal "You never know.
B.A. "I do. We're almost out of gas.
Hannibal "Now why did you pick a truck with no gas?
B.A. "'Cause I liked the paint job."


Mexican Slayride

Hannibal: "Here we are, there they are. I love it when a plan comes together."


Mexican Slayride

Lynch: "Well, who are we today? Harold Lloyd? King Kong? Napoleon's parrot?"
Murdock: "I'm not nuts. I keep telling everybody. Don't you think I wanna get out of here and see E.T., just like everybody else?


Mexican Slayride

B.A.: (About Hannibal) "You learn to love him, Mama. But it takes a long time."
Amy: "That's the same thing he said about you."


Mexican Slayride

Amy: (Referring to B.A.) "He hates the pilot. Why?"
Face: "Because our pilot is insane."
Amy: "So, he's up there now, flying us?"
Hannibal: "Yes."
(Murdock walks down aisle away from the cockpit)


Mexican Slayride

(The team is being chased at a film studio and Hannibal is in his Aquamaniac Costume)
Tour Guide: "...and look there the Aquamaniac."
(people from the studio tour bus snap photos and Hannibal waves)
B.A.: "I ain't stoppin' for autographs Hannibal."


Mexican Slayride

Director: (attempting to get Hannibal, who is in a Aquamania suit, to stay under the water longer) "The guy we had in Aquamania One stayed down four minutes."
Hannibal: "Why isn't he doing it now?"
Director: "He had a little brain hemorrhage or something."


Mexican Slayride

B.A.: "This road leads directly to the airport."
Hannibal: "This road is no where near the airport."
(plane flies overhead)


Mexican Slayride

(After flooding the MPs' car with water from the movie studio's "Red Sea" exhibit)
Hannibal: "Nice try, Colonel. But you ain't Moses."


Children Of Jamestown

B.A. (to Amy) "Don't be afraid, I won't let anything happen to you. (to Hannibal) She can't do it, we have to see her through this."


Children Of Jamestown

Martin James "Have you heard this poem? The time of right is the goal of the fight. The Lord will prevail where evil shall wail."
Hannibal "Have you heard this poem? Hickory Dickory Dock, the mouse ran up the clock. The clock struck one, down he run, you smell worse than my socks."


Children Of Jamestown

Hannibal "I believe it was General Grant who once said: When you are surrounded and outnumbered, there's only one way out."
Amy "Yeah? And what's that?"
Hannibal "Surrender."


Children Of Jamestown

Amy: "We need your help - he's injured."
Farmer: "Look, there's nothing we can do to help you. We don't even have a phone. My daughter and I have lived here for the past five years, alone..."
B.A.: "We comin' in, Jack! Now get the first aid kit before you have to use it on yourself!"


Children Of Jamestown

B.A.: "Hannibal, why you gotta go and bust Faceman in the lip for? You know if you make him ugly, it'll mess up our meal ticket. Won't be able to get no more good hotel rooms."


Children Of Jamestown

Hannibal: "These boots are hard to get."


Children Of Jamestown

Hannibal: "...besides, he stole my boots. Nobody steals my boots."


Pros And Cons

B.A. "I'm getting tired of this rap Murdock"
Murdock "You're getting tired, how do you think i feel. I have to listen to it every day!"


Pros And Cons

Murdock "Trashbags, I want some trashbags!"


Pros And Cons

Hannibal "Murdock, how'd I ever let you talk me into this?."
Murdock "I don't know; I have intermittent memory loss"


Pros And Cons

Warden: "Mr. Pepper, I don't have no time for you today."
Face / "Dwight Pepper": "That's Dr. Pepper, like in the sodie pop.."


A Small And Deadly War

Murdock "The magic word is, Tuberculosis"


A Small And Deadly War

Murdock "Did you ever see a horse go by and think someday you'd surely die? They put you in a little box and cover you over with dirt and rocks"


A Small And Deadly War

Face: "Replace the button on the collar with one from the kit."
Amy: "Bringing me along to sew, how wonderfully sexist."
Face: "Well, we each do what we have to do, if you think you can pick these three locks in ten minutes then eh..."


A Small And Deadly War

B.A.: "All right Hannibal how do we shut these guys down? I mean these guys are S.W.A.T. trained in special weapons and tactics.That's our bag. It's gonna be like going up against ourselves."
Hannibal: "Exciting, isn't it?"


A Small And Deadly War

Murdock: "Book 'em Dano, murder one."


A Small And Deadly War

B.A.: "Man, I don't know why you had to go and send them that warning, Hannibal."
Hannibal: "B.A., that is what is called "style"."
B.A.: "I call it "dumb". You don't go kick the snake you're tryin' to sneak up on."
Hannibal: "Part of my plan."


A Small And Deadly War

Hannibal: "These guys gotta have an Achilles' heel. We´ll just keep pushing them and pushing them and pushing them until we find their weak link. It´s the same plan we nailed that Cong general with outside Khe San."
Face: "Ah, you mean where I took it in the leg?"
Murdock: "I got shot down!"
Face: "That was a terrible plan!"
Hannibal: "Now we got all the kinks worked out in it."


Black Day At Bad Rock

Amy "Murdock, what's with all the rhyming?"
Murdock "Yeah, i noticed it, too. Don't know what i'm gonna do. I've got my words, my brain's working fine, but when the words come out, they wanne...rhyme"


Black Day At Bad Rock

Murdock "You can room with me at the VA. We'll put in an extra bunk, then you and i can watch the walls melt"


Black Day At Bad Rock

Face: "Murdock's blood might add a little color to your life."
B.A.: "Don't need no color, got enough already."


Black Day At Bad Rock

(After Hannibal kisses her)
Maggie: "Ah, that supposed to be some sorta macho pass and now I'm supposed to blush, right?"
(Hannibal kisses her again, this time she responds)
Hannibal: "I don't make passes."


Black Day At Bad Rock

Prisoner: "You're gonna pay for this, man!"
Hannibal: "I'll cut you a check when I go to the bank, man!"


Black Day At Bad Rock

Murdock: "I got my words, and my brain's workin fine, but when the words come out they wanna rhyme."


Black Day At Bad Rock

B.A.: "Gonna need for the Faceman to change his name. Yeah, to "Broken Face.""
Face: "Come on, B.A., it wasn't my fault."
B.A.: "You were supposed to be the rear guard. You messed up bad. Now I have to mess you up. It's the law."


Black Day At Bad Rock

Hannibal: "If you ignore the obvious, you can get away with anything."


The Rabbit Who Ate Las Vegas

Face: "Send us a postcard, Professor. Or better yet, send Darlene instead."


The Rabbit Who Ate Las Vegas

Face: "With 100 G’s reward out there, every cab driver, hit man, or half a wise guy looking for a quick score is gonna be gunning for us."
Professor: "That's, that's illegal! You can't place a bounty on a human being's head like, like this is the wild west."
Hannibal: "Sure you can."


The Rabbit Who Ate Las Vegas

Professor: "It's not a complicated procedure. I mean if you understand the coefficients of prime base numbers and random patterns... but I, I guess math wasn't one of his interests."
Murdock: "Did you try primary trigonometry or logarithms founded in remedial calculus?"
Professor: "Yes, I did, but he couldn't grasp it."
Murdock: "Huh."


The Out Of Towners

Murdock "Hannibal, this sounds like one of THOSE plans. Whenever we use on of THOSE plans, someone always gets mad at us."


The Out Of Towners

Murdock "Ooh la la! [The garbage] Is just like momma used to make!"


The Out Of Towners

Charlie [Bad Guy] "You're nuts!" to Hannibal
Murdock "I am the one who's nuts, man. Right over here."


The Out Of Towners

Face "Hannibal, i know you love it when a plan comes together."


The Out Of Towners

Hannibal: "You said you'd fly if it wasn't Murdock at the controls."
Murdock: "You didn't tell me he said that. You said you'd fly with another pilot, but not me? You said that?"
B.A.: "Yeah!"
Murdock: "Wise choice."


The Out Of Towners

B.A.: "Man, how do you put up with yourself?"
Murdock: "It's difficult at times."


Holiday In The Hills

Murdock "Thank you for flying miracle airlines. The only airline where lady luck is your co-pilot."


Holiday In The Hills

Murdock "I got no fear, i'll go up in anything, except an elevator."


Holiday In The Hills

Face "Sometimes i think you're crazier than Murdock."
Hannibal "Sometimes i am."


Holiday In The Hills

Face: "I like working for the church now and then - insurance against judgment day."


Holiday In The Hills

(Face and Murdock are carrying an unconscious B.A. out of an airplane)
Murdock: "I ain't knocking him out no more. This is the last time I'm carrying him."
Face: "You think it's easy on this end? I've got 200 pounds of gold pulling me down."
Murdock: "Maybe it would help if we took the jewelry off."
Face: "No, can't. I think he's got it hooked up to a burglar alarm."


Holiday In The Hills

B.A.: "And where'd you come from?"
Murdock: "When I get that figured out, I can drop out of analysis."


Holiday In The Hills

(after B.A. is given a shot)
Face: "Why does he always fall on the horn?"
Hannibal: "Beats me."


Holiday In The Hills

Face: "Uh, Murdock, what's going to happen?"
Murdock: "Looks like we're going to crash."
Face: "No, what's really going to happen?"
Murdock: "Looks like we're going to crash and die."


West Coast Turnaround

Hannibal: "Murdock, B.A. take the right. Face, stay with me."
Face: "Ahh, Hannibal, if we're gonna fight, I'd really prefer to be teamed with B.A."
Murdock: "Me too."
Hannibal: "Are you guys saying you don't wanna team up with me?"
Face: "Yes."
Murdock: "Yes."
Hannibal: "Why?"
B.A.: "I'll tell you why. Because when you're on the jazz, man, you're dangerous!"


West Coast Turnaround

Ellen: "Who are you?"
B.A.: "I'm B.A. Baracus, and I'm here to pick up your crops!"


West Coast Turnaround

Ellen: "This whole plan sounded ridiculous from the start; I should have known it wouldn't work out right."
Amy: "Hannibal's plans never work right. They just work."


West Coast Turnaround

Face: "Murdock, can you see?"
Murdock: "I can't even see your teeth!"


One More Time

B.A.: "I die before I fly."


One More Time

Army officer: "Excuse me, we're looking for an actor named Lynch."
Lynch: "His real name is John Smith; he's using "Lynch" as an alias."
Movie director: ""Lynch?" Huh, you'd think he could do better than that."


One More Time

(to Amy)
Murdock: "I love it when you're angry."


One More Time

Amy: "Where's the pilot?"
Murdock: "Well, it was kind of strange. I was just standing there talking to him and all of a sudden he fell in my arms."
Amy: "You knocked him out."
Murdock: "Let's not get technical."


One More Time

(Murdock answering his phone)
Murdock: "I'm sorry, but you've reached a disconnected number. Now if you feel that you've reached this recording in error, how do you think I feel?"


One More Time

(at gunpoint by Lynch and team)
B.A.: "You're crazy, man. What were you trying to do?"
Hannibal: "I was trying to warn you. Lynch is coming."
B.A.: "Thanks."


Till Death Do Us Part

Murdock "I'm a bird, i'm a plane, i'm a choo-choo-train."


Till Death Do Us Part

Murdock "Well, i didn't go through all of this to see how i'd look in white."


Till Death Do Us Part

Murdock "Well i certainly couldn't testify. A wife can't be made to testify against her husband."


Beast In The Belly Of A Boeing

Murdock "I want you to be my role model, someone i can look up to when the purple wobblies start to wobble."


Beast In The Belly Of A Boeing

B.A. "I thought you said you wasn't crazy any more?"
Murdock "Only on paper."


Beast In The Belly Of A Boeing

Murdock "Well make up your mind. First i'm crazy, then i'm not, then i'm crazy, then i'm not. She loves me, she loves me not."


Beast In The Belly Of A Boeing

Murdock "No good sire, this doctor has released me because i am sane. I have the papers and everything. Let me show you my release papers. You see, sane, S.A.N.E, sound, sensible, wise, rational, useid, prudent, reasonable!"


A Nice Place To Visit

Murdock "Ya know, Billy always turns purple just before he gets mad."


A Nice Place To Visit

Murdock "O' come on B.A. you had to rotate these tires anyway. Every cloud has a silver lining. When the going gets tough, the tough get going."


Diamonds 'N' Dust

Face: "Murdock, do you think you can do it?"
Murdock: "Surely you must be jesting, old chap. After I saw "Bridge on the River Quai," it took me six months to realize I wasn't Peter O'Toole."
Face: "You mean Alec Guinness; Peter O'Toole wasn't in that picture."
Murdock: "He was if you saw him through these eyes."


Diamonds 'N' Dust

Murdock: "Hannibal, can we go home now?"


Diamonds 'N' Dust

Hannibal: "Face, you're turning luck into an art form."


Diamonds 'N' Dust

Face: "Don't you smile at me like that. That's not even a real smile. It's just a bunch of teeth playing with my mind."


Diamonds 'N' Dust

Hannibal: "If you pay peanuts, you wind up hiring monkeys."


Recipe For Heavy Bread

Hannibal: "I did some pretty squirrelly things in Nam, and lived to tell about it. You're like bread on a window sill. Mine, when I want you."


Recipe For Heavy Bread

Bad Guy Joey: "I don't think you know what you're messing with, Smith."
Hannibal: "Oh yes, I do. I'm just impetuous. I'm also nuts and trigger-happy, so get in the van before I start foaming at the mouth and blasting."


Recipe For Heavy Bread

Hannibal: "Now, the dope is in the van, see if you can find it before the cops get here. We'll close our eyes, and count to a hundred"
Tom: "My father will have you killed"
Hannibal: "You tell your daddy, if he makes me mad enough I'll come down to Arizona, and wash him out. And tell him to keep his head down. I might be the guy who cleans out his pool, or delivers his mail, or maybe even his golf caddy."


Recipe For Heavy Bread

Murdock: (as he is picking up his golf ball off the green, which has a mouth & eyes on it) "I'm telling you Face, my ball can talk."
Face: "Lots of them can talk, but can he sing?"
Murdock: "I haven't taught him any songs yet."


Recipe For Heavy Bread

B.A.: "Oh, Hannibal. Don't put this crazy man on the cross fire. I don't wanna get shot by this fool."
Hannibal: "He does the cover position in case we get in trouble. We never get in trouble."


The Only Church In Town

(to B.A.)
Murdock: "Come on, you little teddy bear. Open those big brown eyes and give us a growl. I'm worried about him, Hannibal. It's been almost a full day and we haven't insulted each other. I think I may go into withdrawal soon."


The Only Church In Town

B.A.: "Get off me, sucker! You feed me your hat again, sucker, and I promise you you won't have a head to wear it on. Now where are we? How did we get here? You suckers drugged me, didn't you?"
Murdock: "What a grump, ya know? Cranky in the morning, cranky all day."


The Only Church In Town

(B.A. has been drugged before a flight)
Amy: "He really does look so peaceful when he sleeps."
Face: "Well, at least this time he went out with a smile on his face."


The Only Church In Town

Leslie: "Go with God"
Murdock: "I always travel first class."


Bad Time On The Border

(Face is feeling seasick)
Hannibal: "You're a terrific shade of green, you know? It brings out the color of your eyes."


Bad Time On The Border

Presley: (being threatened by BA) "Look, I haven't got her so why don't you call this jewelery store off me?"
Face: "That's hard to do, very hard to do."


Bad Time On The Border

(as Murdock tries on some clothes)
Presley: "What's your size?"
Murdock: "My size? My size is the amount of space I fill up, thanks for asking."


Bad Time On The Border

Hannibal: "You're never gonna know where we are, but we know where you are. Now, if you're lying, or if you warn Prince, we'll be back and pull your drapes for good."


When You Comin' Back, Range Rider?

Murdock: "This looks like a job for the Range Rider."
B.A.: "I'm gonna shut this fool up for good."


When You Comin' Back, Range Rider?

B.A.: "I'm getting tired of you talking to your invisible friends."
Murdock: "Does he look invisible to you? You cannot see him?"


When You Comin' Back, Range Rider?

Bus Carter: "I hope you yahoos enjoy your little trip courtesy Carter Railways. Unfortunately, though, there ain't no return tickets."
Face: "I've always wanted to see the country by rail."


When You Comin' Back, Range Rider?

Face: "I really appreciate your trusting me like that."
Woman in Dressing Room: "Let's just say I liked your face."
Face: "Oh? Do I have an honest face?"
Woman in Dressing Room: No, but I like it."


When You Comin' Back, Range Rider?

Face: "All right, I want all you high-school dropouts to count to 125 before you even twitch."


When You Comin' Back, Range Rider?

(to Bus Carter)
Hannibal: "We're here to file a grievance against the Carter Railway Line for the Wild Horses of America, Western Divisions."
Face: "Not to be confused with the Horses' Butts of America of which we hear you are a member of long-standing."


The Taxicab Wars

Face: "We're taking my brand new car into a situation where it could get shot up. I like to take good care of it, Hannibal. I'm real sentimental."
Hannibal: "Well, don't worry. If things get rough, I'll have them shoot around it."
Face: "Very funny."


The Taxicab Wars

(as Clarence Wickersham III)
Hannibal: "My daddy used to say, "The life without danger is just like a house of ill-repute without the naked ladies.""


The Taxicab Wars

Amy: "Lone Star 4, got a fare at the YMCA."
Face: "YMCA? Uh, listen, Amy, give that to Captain Cab, will ya? I don't do pickups at men's organizations. Hair salons, fashion boutiques, any place a pretty girl can be found."


The Taxicab Wars

Hannibal: "Now, the Lone Star cab company's back in business. All we got to do is get some cabs that run."


The Taxicab Wars

Murdock takes on his alter-ego, which involves a hand made cape & mask (which look like a yellow plaid table cloth).
Murdock: "People all over the city look to the roads in awe, and ask what is happening? The answer is simple, Captain Cab has returned to Tarzana."


Labor Pains

Hannibal: "How does bologna and whole wheat sound?"
Murdock: "Well, Colonel, it hardly makes any sound at all."


Labor Pains

Bad Guy: "You're nuts!"
Murdock: "No I'm condiments. I've been promoted!"


There's Always A Catch

(Reading Hannibal's message aloud)
Garber: "Lobster are red, water is blue. Put up your hands and look behind you."


There's Always A Catch

B.A.: "Watch it, sucker! I got a bad foot. You shove me again and I'll wrap that gun around your face."


There's Always A Catch

Decker: "By tomorrow morning, you'll be eating breakfast with 500 guys just like you."
Face: "Uh, there is nobody just like us."


There's Always A Catch

Hannibal: "I figure in a couple of days the whole country will know about you."
Garber: "Well, you ain't gonna get away with this."
Hannibal: "Funny. Every time somebody says that to me they wind up eating those words on sourdough."


There's Always A Catch

Hannibal: "We'd like it if you and your sisters would grow some brains and get out of town."


There's Always A Catch

Face: "Nice dog. What breed is he, piranha?"


There's Always A Catch

Doug: "He won't sell us anything. He's in Garber's back pocket."
Hannibal: "Pockets are made to be reached into."


There's Always A Catch

B.A.: "Hannibal's on the serious jazz."
Face: "Yeah, well, maybe we'll get lucky and one day modern medicine will find a cure."


There's Always A Catch

Doug: "You got a warrant?"
Decker: "Son, when you can get a warrant as fast as I can, you don't need one."


There's Always A Catch

Face: "You, uh, know of course, he'll go inside and call Garber."
Hannibal: "I certainly hope so. I hate to go looking for a sleaze like that when we can have him delivered to us."


There's Always A Catch

(Murdock is humming, trying to communicate with a mounted lobster)
B.A.: "Murdock, this looks crazy even for you."
Murdock: B.A., it's just animal vibe therapy; I do it all the time back at the V.A. to relax. Thermador here is helping me to cool out!"


There's Always A Catch

(The team is wheeling B.A. through the hospital on a stretcher)
B.A.: "Be careful, sucka! This ain't no funny car race!"
Murdock: "Leave the driving to us."


There's Always A Catch

Amy: "Murdock, why are you eating a sandwich that's frozen?"
Murdock: "I have to. I'm allergic to microwaves. It releases space hamsters into my bloodstream."


Fire

Fireman Fred: !I'm Fireman Fred I'm Dressed in red and if they ask I'm Fireman Fred."


Fire

Face: "Well, I hate to be a clock-watcher, Hannibal, but aren't you guys a little late? Late as in I could have been killed?!"


Fire

Annie: "Why do you do what you do?"
Hannibal: "Call it survival."
Annie: "Want to bet if you weren't wanted, you'd still be doing it?"


Fire

Hannibal: "How did you get into this line of work, Miss Sanders?"
Annie: "You mean what's a nice girl like me doing running a fire department?"
Face: "You heard that one before?"


Fire

Hannibal: "You can't go. Casey, I want you to stay here with her."
Annie: "What do you mean I can't go? This my job. This is my fire company. It's my job to fight fires!"
Hannibal: "Yeah, but we're not fighting a fire. We're fighting a war."


Timber!

Murdock "I'm a lumberjack, i'm okay. I got no legs, but what the hey."


Timber!

Face "You know, they really do try"
Hannibal "Yeah, they always try, but they never learn. You see what they really need is a plan!"


Trouble On Wheels

Face: "I'll cover the outside. Guy like me'd look out of place on an assembly line and I don't have anything in my wardrobe to go with grease and grime."
Hannibal: "That's alright, Face. Murdock'll help you press your overalls."


Trouble On Wheels

(Face arrives to see B.A. is chasing Murdock)
Face: "Well, well, well, isn't this nice? I'm glad to see the two of you can get along without getting into any trouble."
B.A.: "Ain't no trouble, just gonna wring his neck!"


Trouble On Wheels

Rudy: "I just wonder if we're doing the right thing here, Hannibal."
Hannibal: "Rudy, whenever you stand up against slimeballs, you're doing the right thing."


Trouble On Wheels

Murdock: "You gotta think nice things. Just, just think happy thoughts; go ahead."
B.A.: "Okay. I'm thinkin' you got hit by a bus."


Trouble On Wheels

Williams: "Smith said this guy was looney tunes."
Murdock: ""Looney Tunes," huh? What other TV program do you watch regularly?"


Trouble On Wheels

(Murdock is spray-painting a wall)
Murdock: "Spraying a smooth and even coat over the surface that you're workin' on."
B.A.: "If you don't shut up, I'm gonna smooth this here over you!"


Showdown

Murdock "I don't wanna be a secret weapon. I wanna be an exposed weapon"


Showdown

Murdock "Me be happy, me be brave! Me get scalp today"


Showdown

Hannibal "Now you see, that is a cheap cigar!"


Sheriffs Of Rivertown

Murdock "What we have here is a very mad B.A. holding onto a jail cell from the inside."


Sheriffs Of Rivertown

Murdock "Yeah we can play good cop, bad cop. Wanna be the good cop?" [To B.A.]


Bells Of Saint Mary's

Murdock "Say, are we a groovy, happenin' bunch o'guys, or what?"


Bells Of Saint Mary's

Murdock "I mean, what are you? A man or a mousette?" [To Face]


Bells Of Saint Mary's

Murdock "As soon as i find out who i am, you'll be the first to know."


Bells Of Saint Mary's

Murdock "He is my hero, B.A. the Baracan god"


Bells Of Saint Mary's

Murdock "You ain't no hero. You're just one big, mean, angry mudsucker!"


Cup A' Joe

Murdock "The last thing he said to me before he died was ... 'woof'" [Murdock about his dead dog]


Cup A' Joe

Murdock "I'm not nuts, i'm condiments. I've been promoted."


Skins

Murdock "When the going gets tough, the tough get aeronautical."


Moving Targets

Hannibal "Paint the entire ship? I'd rather eat my cigar!"


Knights Of The Road

Murdock "Be gone! The Knight of the Road are not afraid. Be gone before i raise my lance and make of thee a poor and piteous fool, whose tale lies, 'twixt tooth and tongue, and bed it there, until you die! I have given you both fair warning. I will give you the count of...one hundred and seventy-five. 1...2...3..."


Waste 'Em!

Murdock "Since when does something have to make sense to be logical?"


Bounty

Murdock "If you hurt one hair on that girl's head. I will not eat, i will not sleep, i will find you and when i do i will feed your head to flies."


Bounty

Bounty Hunter "You're crazy, you know that?"
Murdock "Of course i'm crazy! You got me out of the psychiatric ward of a VA hospital, stupid!"


Bounty

Dr. Kelly Stevens "You're crazy!"
Murdock "I knew it. How did you know it?"


Incident At Crystal Lake

Murdock "Why didn't you tell us you weren't coming before? Then we could've taken HIM and burned YOU!"


Incident At Crystal Lake

Jenny: "Look, I don't know what to say. You saved my life and my Dad's and I..."
Murdock: (interrupting) "Instead of sending flowers, just send a charitable contribution to the society of wrongly-accused escaped prisoners, that's all."


Incident At Crystal Lake

Decker: "I'm through losin' you guys. (to guards) If they do anything, if they even twitch, shoot to kill."
Hannibal: "Now if you'd been that way last year, you'd have gotten a lot further a lot quicker. Ha-ha."


Incident At Crystal Lake

Face: "There must be something in this kitchen you could rustle up for dinner - I mean, uh, look: there's a whole lake out there just teeming with fish..."
B.A.: "All I know is this cupboard is as empty as Murdock's head. Hannibal, we're gonna starve to death!"


Incident At Crystal Lake

Decker: "Well, well. Looks like this is it, Smith."
Hannibal: "It always looks that way, doesn't it? But you know what I'd do if I were you, Colonel?"
Decker: "What?"
Hannibal: "I'd requisition some new tires."
(B.A. emerges from cover to shoot Decker's tires out)


Incident At Crystal Lake

Hannibal: "I appreciate Murdock's theories, even if they are outside ordinary logic and reason."


Incident At Crystal Lake

(B.A. refuses to fly on an airplane after the dummy is destroyed)
Murdock: "You just stand here like some sniveling child, sayin' 'I'm not goin', I'm not goin'.' Well, if you weren't gonna go, why didn't you tell us? Because we coulda taken him and we coulda burned you!"


Incident At Crystal Lake

Murdock: "We are beyond saving."


Judgement Day

Murdock "I'll be back by the stroke of midnight or sooner, if they run out of finger sandwiches"


Judgement Day

B.A. "I ain't flyin!"
Murdock "Well then drop us off, and write when you get to work."


Judgement Day

Murdock "Ehhh, what's up doc?"


Judgement Day

Murdock "I can't believe he wanted me to give him another kidney. Give, give, give."


Judgement Day

B.A. "The boy's not long for this world Hannibal"
Hannibal "I'm not sure he was ever in it!"


Where Is The Monster When You Need Him?

Murdock "God, your sky is so big; my plane is so crummy; please don't let me eat it"


Where Is The Monster When You Need Him?

Face "I lie, i cheat, i steal and i just don't get any respect"


Where Is The Monster When You Need Him?

Hannibal "He [Face] is an absolutely stupendous liar"


Where Is The Monster When You Need Him?

Murdock "This is what we call in pilot land, 'a coffin with wings'"


Lease With An Option To Die

B.A's Mom "A boy shouldn't wear more jewelry than his mother, don't you think?"


Lease With An Option To Die

Face "Oh, B.A., you really got us on the jazz now!"


Lease With An Option To Die

Hannibal "He [B.A.] loves it when a plan comes together"


Lease With An Option To Die

B.A.'s Mom "Murdock, you are the craziest fella i've ever met. I think i want to adopt you"


Lease With An Option To Die

B.A. "They broke my moma's arm, nobody puts their hands on my moma and lives to tell about it. We going to Chicago right now Hannibal!"


The Road To Hope

Murdock "I did what i did 'cause if i didn't do it, it wouldn't have gotten done, and might i add that not doing it at all would have been a lot worse than doing it badly, which i was not about to do"


Mind Games

Murdock "You [Face] couldn't. I'm too complex. Too layered. Too fruitcake, too whiskey, too rye"


Mind Games

Face "I was assuming his [Murdock's] personality!"
Murdock "And quite convincing too, i might add"


There Goes The Neighborhood

Murdock "What we need is a little distraction...You got an atomic bomb?


Uncle Buckle-Up

Uncle Buckle-Up "What do you do with people like this?"
Hannibal "You find their toy-box and pull all the little wheels off their little trucks"


Members Only

(at Fulbright's award roast)
Hannibal: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to say a few words about General "Bull" Fulbright, a man I've known all my life. Needless to say, we don't call him "Bull" for nothing."


Members Only

McKeever: "Why are you sticking your noses into all this?"
Hannibal: "Because you stink up the entire country club. And... you got my favorite caddy fired."


Members Only

Adreian: "Look, who are you? What's going on?"
Hannibal: "We're the guys who know what you were doing in the rough with a caddy named Frank Pellotto."
Adreian: "So?"
Murdock: "So? Honey, the guys with the guns were tryin' to kill that caddy friend of yours! We can't have things like that going on at the country club, now can we?"


Beneath The Surface

Murdock "Shiver me timbers, he's just discovered the map to the sunken treasure"


Dishpan Man

Frankie "Are you okay?"
Murdock "That has never satisfactorily been determined"


Dishpan Man

Frankie "Have you tried tanning butter?"
Murdock "Only on pancakes and it was pretty yucky, but it turned my tongue a nice shade of brown."


Dishpan Man

Curtis "I remember you guys. You're the A-Team!"
Hannibal "Boy, is that music to our ears."


Dishpan Man

Stockwell "I work inside the system. I keep my skirts clean, I am a dedicated American patriot."
Hannibal "You're also a little pompous."


Dishpan Man

Hannibal "He says Captain Curtis is alive."
Murdock "Curtis is alive?"
Face "Wait a minute: then he could testify that we hit that bank in Hanoi under orders. Yeah, then we'd uh -- we'd be free to be normal people. No offense, Murdock."


Trial By Fire

B.A. "Everybody in the world know the man is a fool. He's crazy. He sees people that ain't really there. He talk in circles all the time."
Laskov "He sounds like a disturbed individual. Do you think he's dangerous?"
B.A. "Murdock won't hurt nobody."


Trial By Fire

Attorney "They're planning to call your friend Captain Murdock to testify against you."
Face "Murdock?"
Attorney "I was wondering why they hadn't named him in the original indictment. I think they plan to bring him down on the stand and then indict him as a co-conspirator."
Hannibal "Murdock... on the stand?! That should be interesting."


Trial By Fire

Decker "I pursued Colonel Smith and the A-Team for three long years. I lost track of how many laws they broke and how much military property they destroyed. I can tell you this: Rules mean nothing to these men, and they're loyal to no one but themselves. I have no doubt that they're capable of the crimes for which they're accused."
Hannibal "What a guy."


Firing Line

Hannibal "A specified number of missions, and we're totally cleared -- we don't work for you or the government anymore?"
Stockwell "By then, you can work for the local McDonald's for all I care."


Firing Line

Stockwell "Whoever judged you insane, Captain, should have his license lifted." [To Murdock]


Firing Line

Murdock "I don't like wearing somebody else's straitjacket!"


Theory Of Revolution

Murdock "I love the smell of revolution in the morning..it smells like hushpuppies".


The Theory Of Revolution

Carla As Americans, you can expect to be shot on sight if you're discovered.
Frankie Uh, how do they feel about Puerto Ricans?
B.A. ...and black people.


The Say U.N.C.L.E. Affair

Carla "We have a major problem, general Stockwell is missing. He's been missing since 06:00, we found his car - empty."
Hannibal "Maybe he went to the movies."


The Say U.N.C.L.E. Affair

B.A. "I can't take no more of this jukebox music!"
Frankie "Hey, be careful with that! It belongs to my cousin."
B.A. "If you crank it up one more time, it belongs to the garbage man."


The Say U.N.C.L.E. Affair

Hannibal "I don't like party crashers."
Thug "I have nothing to say! We are with the Russian consulate."
Hannibal "Talk up or I'll turn you into borscht."
Thug "We have diplomatic immunity!"
Hannibal "Not from me, you don't."


Alive At Five

Hannibal "Hi, Face. Welcome back."
Murdock "Oh, look who's here!"
Face "No, you look who's here. (Tommy Tedesco enters)"
Hannibal "Oh, what a sleazy surprise. Tommy, I've got some bad news for you."
Tedesco "Shut up!"


Family Reunion

Hannibal (To Murdock) "I'm sure I can rustle up some soup for you. But the rest of us, we've got to have a turkey." (Stockwell enters)
Stockwell "Afternoon, gentlemen."
Hannibal "I think he's too big for the pot."


Family Reunion

Owens "I want Bancroft. I don't give a rat's brain about you or your men."
Hannibal "Well, seein' as you got a rat's brain, I'm tempted to believe ya."


Family Reunion

Hannibal "Now, A.J. is only in the country to have a little holiday with his daughter."
Edwards "Don't bull me, Smith. I'm a politician -- bull is my specialty."


Point Of No Return

Frankie "I wanna have kids Murdock..do you think we could have kids?"
Murdock "I don't think i know you well enough".


Point Of No Return

Face "Frankie, there's not a shred of hard evidence that says that he(Hannibal)'s dead."
Frankie "Yeah, except that goon back there who says he was killed!"
Murdock (yelling) "Well, you shouldn't be listening to goons!" (Everyone is silent for a minute)
Murdock "I'm, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just that goons are not a very reliable source of information you know."


Point Of No Return

Stockwell "Is there a problem?"
Murdock "Yes. We do not believe that Hannibal is dead, General."
Stockwell "That's an interesting fantasy, but we don't deal in fantasies in this business."


Point Of No Return

Murdock "Stockwell? Stockwell? Stockwell doesn't give a rats tail whether Hannibal is alive or dead!"
B.A. "You got that right crazy man."


The Crystal Skull

Murdock "These two men will rebuild each others' hut. And until they are finished, they will live together as hutmates, and learn to love and respect each other for all time. For, in the words of the great Joe Namath: "Hut! Hut, hut, hut, hut!""


The Spy Who Mugged Me

Murdock "I'd get out of that wet suit if i were you."
Dominique "You're not in this wet suit."
Murdock "Not yet!".


The Spy Who Mugged Me

(Dominique walks out of "Logan's" room wearing nothing but a man's shirt)
Dominique "Nice fit, don't you think?"
Murdock "Well, it never looked that good on me."


The Spy Who Mugged Me

Murdock "Orange juice. Shaken, not stirred"


The Grey Team

Murdock "I knew it, i knew...you had a plan!"


The Grey Team

Nemchek "Those people are so afraid of me, they talk to me as little as possible."
Bernie (laughs) "Can't say as I blame them."


The Grey Team

Frankie "Oh, great. B.A., if this maniac doesn't kill us, we're all goin' to jail. I bet we don't get to collect $200, either."


The Grey Team

Murdock "Just think: if we get a pardon, we may never have to eat a knuckle sandwich again!"
B.A. "I wouldn't bet on it crazy man. Looks like Hannibal's on the jazz again!"
Face "Oh no..."
Murdock (to Hannibal) "No, you tell me right now, you tell me right to my face, you tell me that you don't have a plan."
Hannibal "Well, I...I was thinking, like Bernie and George. What are we gonna do when this thing's over? I mean, what are we really qualified to do?"
Face "Go after thugs in the park"
Hannibal "And outlaw motorcycle gangs organized crime figures why, there's a world of slime-balls out there!"
Murdock "I knew it. I just knew you had a plan."
Hannibal "Comforting, isn't it?"
B.A. "I'll get the van."



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